It’s hard to imagine now that I almost let him pass through my fickle, revolving door without a second glance. Fear is a strong motivator. Fear of success can be just as daunting as fear of failure.
But in this case, I think it was fear of letting go of my grief – would I be able to live with the guilt I fully expected to feel if I did let it go? What if I couldn’t? Worse, what if I could? What did that say about me; about the past 12 years?
Being free from the burden of guilt and grief I carried (like a trophy, sadly) was a scary prospect. Somehow, I had allowed it to define me. Letting it go – would I now lose myself?
But it was a very liberating experience. Like stepping off a cliff only to find a bridge had manifested under my feet when I wasn’t looking.
I’m glad I took the risk. It has allowed me to experience a level of joy and happiness I didn’t imagine was possible.