The risk of letting go….

It’s hard to imagine now that I almost let him pass through my fickle, revolving door without a second glance.  Fear is a strong motivator.  Fear of success can be just as daunting as fear of failure.

But in this case, I think it was fear of letting go of my grief – would I be able to live with the guilt I fully expected to feel if I did let it go?  What if I couldn’t?  Worse, what if I could?  What did that say about me; about the past 12 years?

Being free from the burden of guilt and grief I carried (like a trophy, sadly) was a scary prospect.  Somehow, I had allowed it to define me.  Letting it go – would I now lose myself?

But it was a very liberating experience.  Like stepping off a cliff only to find a bridge had manifested under my feet when I wasn’t looking.

I’m glad I took the risk.  It has allowed me to experience a level of joy and happiness I didn’t imagine was possible.