I’m so done with being comforted

At what point do folks realize that their commiseration and information is no longer helpful? When do they take a step back and say to themselves: “Hey, by telling her what a lying, cheating, no -good guy he is; I’m constantly reminding her what a naive fool she’s been for years.”

Lately, I’ve been inundated with such helpful interactions upon hearing we’ve separated. I mean the “I’m so sorry I’ve known for a while he was cheating on you but didn’t think it was my place to tell you” type. They just jump right to it, without even asking if I had known before we split. They assume that’s why.

Folks seem to come out of the woodwork when there’s tragedy afoot. I guess it’s like a car wreck you can’t help but slow down and crane your neck to see. Only I seem to be the car wreck.

I’m so done with it. Yes. I know I was a naive fool. I know I forgave far too much for far too long. I know I should have seen the signs for years. I blindfolded myself to the evidence. I own that.

But I don’t need to hear about the affairs I was blissfully ignorant of, thank you. The two I did know about were hard enough to swallow.

It becomes hard to move on; move forward, when I feel continuously dragged back into a humiliating past.

What can one say, politely, to disengage from those tell-all anecdotes? Rather than offend these “do-gooders” who are only trying to ease their conscience, I plaster my best “this doesn’t bother me” smile on my face and try to say the kids and I are doing fine. We’re coping and looking forward to starting a new chapter. Most can’t seem to take the hint: Shut up!

But the truth is: it stings. Like a nest of wasps. And I need a salve to reduce the swelling.


2 thoughts on “I’m so done with being comforted”

  1. You do not owe these people any kind of civil response…..
    “But you feel NOW, of all times, when I’m humiliated and aching.. NOW you feel you can tell me? Well thanks. I appreciate you’re clear concern for my wellbeing… but it sure would have been big of you to mention it to me years ago when he was putting my health at risk.”

    I’ve come up with a similar reply, because frankly, not only were they jackasses for not telling you back then, but to bring it up now – all they’re doing is trying to make themselves feel better, as well as extract any juicy tidbits they can to pass on to everyone else. Trust me, if they were any kind of friend they would have behaved differently.

    I do understand. Not about the fooling around – lord knows I have my own bushel of worms to contend with, but I DO understand. The tacky comments, the stupid behavior, the desire to observe the car wreck to satisfy some sick part of their soul … or lack thereof.

    One day. One step at a time. Breathe in whatever good you can dredge up, and breathe out all the negative darkness that seeps the warmth from life. … Believing in someone isn’t a flaw. It says more about you for having faith in someone than it does about missing subversive behavior that was intended to be deceptive. The only thing you have to own is that you are human. You have value, and you do not deserve to be treated like this by stupid, tacky people. If you’re going to own something, own that. To hell with the gossipmongers, who ironically were busy flapping their maws to everyone else while choosing to leave you in the dark. THEY get to own that.

    Keep on woman. You will get through.

    1. Thank you,Jane. I would tell a friend to see it that way but couldn’t see it that way for myself because I’m trying so hard to find my blame in all of this. I needed that. It helped very much.

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